The Divine Crash

So lately I have been thinking through this idea of what qualifies someone to be a pastor.  Is it good preaching?  Right morals?  The ability to delegate?  A desire to only work on Sundays (and 24/7 every other day).

As if the struggle to embody my calling is not enough an older man knocks on the door and asks to speak with my father.  I explain that he doesn’t live here, the man then asks for the new preacher.  When I tell him that is me he looks me up and down and proceeds to ask me to speak for “his organization”  and to “call them to set up a time.”  He never gave me his name, the organizations name, or the phone number, but he promptly left and all I remember is his “Walking with Jesus hat.”

So now I am totally confused as to whether or not I am qualified to be a pastor.

But right now I am reading Peter Rollins book “Orthodox Heretic” and the very first parable he writes in there is this:

In a world where following Christ is decreed to be a subversive and illegal activity you have been accused of being a believer, arrested and dragged before a court.

You have been under clandestine surveillance for some time now and so the prosecution has been able to build up quite a case against you. They begin the trial by offering the judge dozens of photographs which show you attending church meetings, speaking at religious events, and participating in various prayer and worship services. After this they present a selection of items that have been confiscated from your home: religious books that you own, worship CDs and other Christian artefacts. Then they step up the pace by displaying many of the poems, pieces of prose, and journal entries that you had lovingly written concerning your faith. Finally, in closing, the prosecution offers your Bible to the judge. This is a well-worn book with scribbles, notes, drawings, and underlings throughout, evidence, if it were needed, that you had read and re-read this sacred text many times.

Throughout the case you have been sitting silently in fear and trembling. You know deep in your heart that with the large body of evidence that has been amassed by the prosecution you face the possibility of a long imprisonment or even execution. At various times throughout the proceedings you have lost all confidence and have been on the verge of standing up and denying Christ. But while this thought has plagued your mind throughout the trial, you resist the temptation and remain focused.

Once the prosecution has finished presenting their case the judge proceeds to ask if you have anything to add, but you remain silent and resolute, terrified that if you open your mouth, even for a moment, you might deny the charges made against you. Like Christ, you remain silent before your accusers. In response you are led outside to wait as the judge ponders your case.

The hours pass slowly as you sit under guard in the foyer waiting to be summoned back. Eventually a young man in uniform appears and leads you into the courtroom so that you may hear the verdict and receive word of your punishment. Once seated in the dock the judge, a harsh and unyielding man, enters the room, stands before you, looks deep into your eyes and begins to speak,

“Of the charges that have been brought forward I find the accused not guilty.”

“Not guilty?” your heart freezes. Then, in a split second, the fear and terror that had moments before threatened to strip your resolve are swallowed up by confusion and rage.

Despite the surroundings, you stand defiantly before the judge and demand that he give an account concerning why you are innocent of the charges in light of the evidence.

“What evidence?” he replies in shock.

“What about the poems and prose that I wrote?” you reply.

“They simply show that you think of yourself as a poet, nothing more.”

“But what about the services I spoke at, the times I wept in church and the long, sleepless nights of prayer?”

“Evidence that you are a good speaker and actor, nothing more.” replied the judge, “It is obvious that you deluded those around you, and perhaps at times you even deluded yourself, but this foolishness is not enough to convict you in a court of law.”

“But this is madness!” you shout. “It would seem that no evidence would convince you!”

“Not so,” replies the judge as if informing you of a great, long forgotten secret.

“The court is indifferent toward your Bible reading and church attendance; it has no concern for worship with words and a pen. Continue to develop your theology, and use it to paint pictures of love. We have no interest in such armchair artists who spend their time creating images of a better world. We exist only for those who would lay down that brush, and their life, in a Christ-like endeavor to create it. So, until you live as Christ and his followers, until you challenge this system and become a thorn in our side, until you die to yourself and offer your body to the flames, until then my friend, you are no enemy of ours.”

This doesn’t help me be embodied to this strange call God gave me but it does help me understand that my calling is not to keep my mouth shut but to speak of Jesus.  Actions are not enough if I am going to actually live out my calling it is about speaking a truth that subverts all sorts of organizations and gets dangerous at times a truth that Jesus loved us enough to die for ALL of us.

This is the sort of truth that made Mother Theresa the most violent person ever.  Her subversive gospel of Jesus was enough to destroy an entire caste system.   This is the sort of violence that makes governments shutter and brings armies to a halt.  It is a violence that subverts all attempts to stop it and will even destroy those who embrace it with misguided ideas of controlling it.

It is the gospel of Jesus that says give up what you own and serve a risen savior.

I am not qualified to be a pastor because of my age, education, gender, race, or economic status.  My authority comes because this gospel has subverted/destroyed my life and forced me to surrender to it so that others will be subverted by it and if I don’t talk about what happened to me then this gospel will burn me from the inside out.

And that is the call of all people who call themselves followers of the resurrected Jesus.  That the grace given to us is burning within us and needs to be let out before it consumes us.

So then, this call has come to me; an over-educated, nerdy, goofy, 27-year old man who speaks with a lisp except when I pray.  I may not always like it or understand it but so be it.

Filed under:
Pastoral Life by RevBT